Why Is Joe Goldberg So Appealing to Female Viewers
Unpacking the Allure of TV’s Most Charming Psychopath
When Netflix released its hit psychological thriller You in 2019, no one could have predicted just how captivated audiences would become, especially by its deeply disturbed lead character, Joe Goldberg.
Across five seasons, we’ve watched Joe obsess over, stalk, and murder his way through relationships.
By all accounts, he should be cancelled, Joe Goldberg shOULD BE a cautionary tale about toxic masculinity taken to the extreme. Every feminists worst nightmare…
And yet, many female viewers can’t seem to get enough of him.
This raises an uncomfortable question:
Is there a problem with the women who fancy Joe?
On one hand, yes — it is problematic to be attracted to a manipulative, obsessive serial killer who leaves a trail of bodies in his quest for “true love”.
But on the other hand, it’s not entirely our fault. Netflix has made it well... complicated.
Joe isn’t just any psychopath. He’s played by Penn Badgley — a charming, intelligent, and undeniably attractive actor. Add to that Joe’s persona as a quiet, book-loving bookshop manager with a “cute, nerdy” archetype that many women (myself included) find attractive.
And while we all know he’s a monster, the show cleverly invites us to empathise with him, making it all too easy to forget the psychopathic, manipulative murderer that he truly is.
Netflix also tells the story from Joe’s perspective, where he validates the reasoning for doing what he does, making the most violent choices he makes not only valid but necessary.
He had to kill to protect the woman he loves…
Erm... did he really have to go that far to prove his love? Well… not really.
Yet, Joe's captivating storytelling makes us believe he did it for all the right reasons.
Joe’s troubled childhood and traumatic experiences, particularly his relationship with his mother and witnessing his father’s abuse, likely contribute to his distorted view of love and relationships. Which makes us feel deeply sorry for him, wanting desperately for him to heal his wounded soul from this heartbreaking trauma and finally… be loved.
Do you see it?
Do you see how the media can manipulate empathy?
It also plays into the ‘Fix Him’ fantasy. where women can sometimes feel they can fix a damaged man and save him from his internal demons.
Of course, in reality, no amount of love can fix a deeply damaged, dangerous man. Yet, romance and fictional fantasies teach us that it can be possible with the right woman.
“The first step to fixing something is to know that no matter how destroyed it seems, it can always be saved.” (Joe, Season 1, Episode 1 — “Pilot”)
You is a masterclass in how media can distort our sense of morality and make us overlook glaring red flags. And for that, I blame Netflix — at least a little.
They crafted the perfect storm: a deeply dangerous man wrapped in the guise of a sensitive, charming romantic lead.
The result?
Joe Goldberg doesn’t just horrify us — he fascinates us.
He awakens some of our darkest curiosities and plays into fantasies we may not even realise we have. Joe’s tragic childhood and his yearning to be a protector for his true love somehow make him charming and captivating.
OR
We may actually be more disturbed than we realise.
Thanks a lot, Netflix!
Thank you for reading
Layla Kareem
